Hitting The Hard Topics With Gemma

Gemma in 2020 on a rare trip out of London (before the pandemic) in Sintra, Portugal.

You’ll never get as real as my friend, Gemma! I have known Gemma for 8 or 9 years now, and I lived with her for about 2 of those years. Coming up with a title for this interview was tricky because we covered a lot in our conversation, but hitting the hard topics seemed to fit just perfectly! Gemma has faced many rough battles in her life, but she is such a loving and joyous woman and I am thrilled to call her my friend and my sister! I was so excited when she raised her hand to share her story and I pray it impacts you as you read.

Table of Contents

• Childhood

• Identity

• Discovering the Passion to Sing

• Anxiety and Depression

• The Endometriosis Battle

• The Journey of Faith

• The Wisdom Wrap Up

Childhood.

Can you give us a brief glimpse into Gemma as a little girl? Where were you born and raised?

I grew up in the Bay of Plenty, in a town called Kawerau. It’s a great and interesting little town in New Zealand. In my later primary school years, we lived in the surrounding countryside, a rural farming and forestry area. It’s simplest to say I grew up on a farm, but this isn’t completely true, it was a lifestyle block. Dad worked at one of the paper mills in Kawerau and Mum had a portfolio career (working part time at the local country school as well as having a part time photography business).

Gemma (far right) and her sisters as kids on the farm where they did most of their growing up (late 2000s?).

Did you have animals?

We were lucky to have had like every type of farm animal, including a horse and even lambs for calf club.

Aw, but you had a horse! Did you go horse riding a lot?

Yeah! We were lucky that we got to go horse riding quite a bit, but my mum and one of my sisters was more into it. I think I was a bit apprehensive around horses. And it’s a lot of work to set up and pack down. hearty laughter But yes, we felt very lucky we were raised in the country.

So if you weren’t so much into horse riding, what did you enjoy doing when you were growing up?

I loved movies.

Preach! Interviewer awkwardly lifts hands in the air *You are perfect for this blog!

Yeah, just movies, that’s it! *more hearty laughter*

That was your whole childhood, just movies?

No, I also loved art. Movies and art. Of course there were other things – we used to like mucking about on the farm with cousins and friends, exploring the forestry and bush around us. We would sneak over the school boundary at lunchtimes to explore farmland during school hours (naughty!). But the one consistent thread through my life is the rock of movies.

Interesting! What was it that you liked most about movies?

Ohh, when I look back now, it was the storytelling I liked and also the music. I just feel like movies are so moving and touching – so inspiring. They’re a way to experience more of the world and we are reminded of what is important to us. But for me looking back, the music was such a big part of it.

I agree! It really adds.

It’s like, ‘Aww Gandalf is dying and that’s really sad, but it’s extra sad because the music is making it so. Lord of the Rings reference by the way. I remember I loved watching Gladiator, Moulin Rouge and Chicago too. Basically any movies that I could afford to buy on DVD or VHS. *Gemma is about to show her age* Did you ever have any VHS’s?

Yeah, I grew up in the ‘90s, I was raised on video tapes.

Oh phew, that’s good. I had a moment of confusion there, haha.

Only the old school kids will know what we’re talking about.

Haha, but yeah, there were musical movies, and there were songs that I really loved. Kind of similar to you. Although I know I’m not as much of a hardcore musical nerd as you.

I think you almost could be.

Maybe! But I don’t think I have quite the knowledge needed. But anything I could record on tape or buy on DVD, oh I loved them!

Talking about the impact of movies, I’ve actually written a blog on the power of cinematic storytelling. I talk about why we gravitate towards movies and the characters and how they’re relatable. *Check it out here!*

Isn’t it true though, how they can inspire us? We can actually learn from them and they inspire us to look at life differently. They can energise us, remind us of what is important, or enable us to dream.

It’s very true! No wonder we get along so well!

If you want a nerdy detail about me, I was a huge Lord of the Rings fan throughout my teenage years. And I filled up seven VHS tapes with Lord of the Rings footage from TV. SEVEN. As the movies were made here in NZ; when anything like reports on the news, behind the scenes of the movies or even LOTR-themed commercials came up, I would record them, hahaha!

That is dedication! How did you do that with commercials? Were you poised over the record button as soon as they came on?

Yeah, I think I just knew what the commercials were so I would think, ‘Okay, next commercial break, I’m going to be ready!’

Identity.

I love how we’ve just been given a little glimpse into the wonderful world of Gemma! So let’s dive into the topic of identity. As you grew up, especially through your teenage years, what was your idea of identity?

I think maybe in New Zealand and/or in Western culture, I and so many others may have grown up with this idea of a linear prescribed list of things we have to tick off. And that was our identity. Things like go to school, have friends, go to university, get a boyfriend, get a career, go travelling, get married, get a house, get a puppy, and have kids. I think a lot of my identity was influenced by that. It’s like this list of achievements we need to get through. No one said it, my parents didn’t say it, no one actually said these things exactly with words but it’s what we see around us. 

It’s like these are things that the world values and I just soaked it up like a sponge. (Just acknowledging here that some of these ideas come through movies – anything has the potential to become good or bad, so we need to be mindful). I think I grew up with low self confidence and self worth, for reasons we can get into another time, so instead I would fill myself up with achievements like doing well with my school work. Then I would escape into movies. *more hearty but serious laughter.*

I definitely understand. You are speaking my language!

But my sisters and I were really lucky with what our parents taught us – we knew we could be anything that we wanted to be. Which is amazing because my Dad was born a farmer and he came from a generation who had to work extremely hard, and a similar background for my Mum. So I think it’s cool that our parents, who had quite humble beginnings, instilled this idea and belief into me and my sisters that we could do whatever we wanted to do. It was only up to us. So I was always looking ahead. For a while, I wanted to be a 3D animator for movies, or do set design or costume design, which eventually pivoted toward graphic design. I was just always about doing things, or becoming something, or reaching milestones, for both good reasons and some not so good reasons.

So you were always looking for something to achieve? 

Yeah, that’s not how I consciously saw myself but that was how I was wired.

It definitely speaks to the impact of society and how it is around us.

And because we live in a capitalist society as well, it’s always about more, more, more. Just add more, just do more.

Yeah! And if we’re not reaching those milestones or expectations, it’s like we’re failing. But as we look further in on identity, it has been amazing to see you on this journey, you discovered that you have Māori ancestry in your DNA. How did this have an effect on your life, growing up in a Pākehā (European) family?

Gemma wearing some of her taonga she has been gifted over the years in classical Māori portrait style. (Kakahu, patu and photography by Poihakena Portraits).

I love this topic! So we always knew we had some distant Māori ancestry through both my Mum and Dad. I found it to be quite powerful knowledge to have, I didn’t know why back then but I can articulate now why that was so powerful. It’s interesting that I found myself working in a Māori organisation eventually, Te Wānanga o Aotearoa, an education provider. I always felt like I was meant to end up there, like that opportunity was meant just for me. Working there was really my first up-close experience in learning about the Māori culture and being really immersed in it. You saw me experience that, going through the journey of getting involved in kapa haka and also learning the language. Then even outside of work, going to te reo Māori and Māori theology classes held at Church. 

It was like I was learning that there were so many amazing things in indigenous cultures that the Western world had forgotten, yet they’re really valuable, and a part of my heritage. Ultimately, I think it comes back to this idea of connectedness and community, which also includes the spiritual aspect. It really taught me how to live in a deeper community with people. At one point I felt like I was getting more out of this community with the Māori culture at my work than I was from my more mainstream Western community such as Church, before I managed to integrate it all.

Attending Māori theology classes held at Church reconciled these two things, showing me how te Ao Māori (the Māori World) and Church/Christainity fit together, and it enhanced my faith. Christianity is one of my oldest identities which I feel, for me, at its core is having faith, but at times has unfortunately become tainted and undermined by negative aspects of religion with cold hard rules, with Western ideas of capitalism, and even the prosperity Gospel idea. For me all these things amounted to the very damaging idea of ‘if you follow the steps a,b,c then all your troubles will go away’, and if they don’t go away then there’s something wrong with you. Te Ao Māori helped to fan the flame of faith to bring balance to the idea of ‘religion’. When I talk about Church that way, does that make sense to you?

Yeah, I think what you’re getting at is when you learnt about the Māori world, you learnt about everything being holistic, when different areas come together. Is that what you mean?

I think so, yes. Because everything in our lives are so interconnected. These connections that I was learning about just made deep sense to me, a deep reconciliation of what my life was meant to feel like when complete with all aspects of my identity. Māori values and tikanga (Māori practices and behaviours) are such a nurturing environment, it feels similar and sometimes stronger than ‘Christian’ values, because like I mentioned above, the idea of Church has at times been undermined for me because it’s connected to other ideas of actions rather than faith. So te Ao Māori and Christianity/Church aligned together and changed the way I saw the world and myself; which is something that our Western culture isn’t so good at. Together they helped me find some peace in my identity and where I existed in the world as I perceived it.

Through everything I’ve learned, I will always have faith and believe in Jesus Christ. I know who I am, I know where I come from. I don’t feel like my identity is built on achievement anymore, even though I am still quite goal oriented. I feel like the goals I have now are all for the right reasons now that I have a firm foundation. Also, seeing what stories and God-given opportunities have come out of everything I’ve gone through has been amazing.

Discovering the passion to sing.

That’s so good! It is really interesting with the way everything is intertwined. So when you were younger, you were drawn to the music in movies. I’m curious about how, from this, you got into your musical journey. Was it through the community in your workplace and these theology classes that you felt called towards singing?

Yeah, I just felt and knew it was right. I had what I believe was a Holy Spirit moment that prompted me and I call it my Jumanji drum [ooo! Movie reference] experience. So I worked at a Māori tertiary education provider which really started my journey. There was an email about an information session on kapa haka (Māori performing arts) for an internal competition, for the staff of our organisation across New Zealand to get to know each other. And I deleted it thinking, ‘that’s not me – I’ve never done kapa haka or performed at all.’ 

Then it came to the day of this info session and it was as if Jumanji drums were playing from the deleted folder of my emails. Gemma attempts to mimic Jumanji drum noises. I’m just kidding but it was just one of those moments where you start breathing heavily like you can’t breathe until you do the thing and you just know what you have to do.

And your heart starts beating really fast?

Yip! And I just felt I had to pull it out of the trash and before I knew it, I ended up at the information session. And you know the rest is history! From there opportunities just opened up and it was all about following a path. I feel like that was one of my first real Holy Spirit moments. Like how would I know to go pull that email out of the deleted folder? I’ll remember that moment forever, it’s one of the most defining moments of my life.

In Budapest, Romania, with Ngāti Rānana London Māori Club, accompanying the NZ Ambassador to celebrate 50 years of political relations between Romania and NZ (2019).

But as the opportunities started to come after that, it was definitely through others that my journey started to get moving. It was other people at work taking the time to help me practise te reo Māori during our lunch breaks in the kitchen. People teaching me how to sing or do the poi, or people at Church putting on the theology study, people welcoming me onto the Worship team at Church, teaching me at Ngāti Rānana London Maori Club – you know, it would be people helping me in their own time or going the extra mile during their day job. It’s people who were enabling those opportunities to happen. It’s connectedness, it’s community.

Ticking off her dream to be a singer on the worship team at Elim Church Hamilton (2019).

It’s cool when you look back, just how clear it was, that sense of community that helped you through learning all that.

Yes, it was such a genuine, authentic sense of community. It was refreshing for me after all the prescribed ideas of success and happiness that had influenced my early life.

Anxiety and depression.

Something you’ve always been open about is battling anxiety and depression for probably a good portion of your life. Would you say most of your life or just your adult life?

I would frame it as I’ve been up and down with moderate to severe depression for about 10 years. Beginning in my early twenties, but with slow-burning mild patches leading up to that. As for anxiety, I feel like it was always there but it wasn’t very obvious or we would have known to get help. My sisters say I was an anxious child in hindsight, but it seemed normal to me. I was just one of those kids who would worry a little on the surface, but inside I think I was spinning out with anxiety. 

I remember always being afraid of monsters when I was really young, or as an older kid, I’d be worried about home intruders and it would keep me awake at night. I’d be afraid whenever my parents drove somewhere, thinking they could be in a car crash and I’d never see them again. Also feeling anxious in many social situations. I feel like it’s been a long journey with no quick fix. So often it was like, take it one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time, just one foot in front of the other towards finding out how to feel optimal.

So throughout this journey, have you found what specific things have triggered anxiety for you?

There are a number of things, starting with stress. I think I tend to be quite a people pleaser, which goes back to that original identity of needing external validation. I might worry that what I do won’t be good enough, or I might try to do too much. And my tendency to want to add achievements to my life – I always have to check in about why I’m taking something on.

I relate! That’s me too.

Yeah, it’s a hard problem to have. Also, in my work, I care about people. I think one of my strengths is empathy. It is a strength but it can also take a lot.

It’s an energy sucker as well.

Yeah, and it can cause a lot of stress, when there are all these things to do for people, you want to help, in whichever shape or form that is. But also when you just have a lot on your plate; like this week I was getting stressed about everything I had to do for work and study. Another thing is finances. Financial stress can trigger my anxiety, a new trigger I’d never had to deal with until the last couple years as I’ve been blessed financially most of my life. After getting Covid in 2020, I had about a year of unexpected unemployment, and so decided to go back to study. It’s not easy being a student, as many people would know. For me, it was learning not to panic that I was in a little bit of debt. I’d reassure myself that I’d made every effort I could to find work before deciding to study. Nothing was life or death, it was all going to work out in the long run. It’s just finding strategies that help and putting one foot in front of the other. When I have energy, I find strategies that help. But sometimes you just need to get through the day and that’s ok too.

The thing with triggers is that people will relate to the ones you’ve talked about, but there will also be different ones for different people.

Very true, there are other things that trigger me that have escaped my mind right now. But with finances, I got into debt after I had Covid because I was out of work for so long. So I learned to be ok with having temporary money troubles and realising I’m not the only one. It’s a normal thing to have, it’s survival out there for many in the world and I’ve just been blessed to not have had this issue until now. But learning to deal with it when you have the energy is important. This might include having to do a bunch of paperwork to apply for a grant from University or doing a budget right down to the last dollar, it might pay off! For me, it did. Just little things like that add up over time.

Wow, it’s so good to know the triggers because sometimes we can just have no idea how we find ourselves anxious. Did depression come in the same way or is that a completely different thing? 

For me, I find it so hard to separate the two, they usually go together. For the past few years, I’ve been able to manage depression quite well and keep it at bay or just know it’ll pass soon if I keep up with my strategies. Mainly through finding the right medication and practising the CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) that I’ve been taught from mental health professionals over the years, and having goals to work towards. Like I said, it’s been a journey but I feel lucky because I now know what works. I don’t often have the same troubles with depression anymore. I feel like a lot of my struggles now are stress and anxiety related. With depression, I feel like I’ve done the hard work and I understand how to handle it. Some of those days were so hard, like just having to get up and go to work was a big challenge. There was a time I got lost in the health system too while waiting for counselling at a time that I was feeling suicidal, getting through the day was so hard in those dark times. Then coming home and not having any happiness and wavering hope.

Man, that’s some really rough stuff, and I’m thankful that you’re open to sharing about it. What were the practical things that you found to be most helpful when it came to dealing with your anxiety and depression?

So there’s things like anti-depressants and getting diagnosed for my endometriosis as the key, but I’ve also realised that I need to have ridiculously ambitious goals. I need to have something that I’m working towards. And this time, it’s not for the wrong reasons. Now it’s not to tick something off or to have an achievement because something external says so. I know that as I work on my singing and other things, that more interesting opportunities will come and create those moments where I’m like ‘wow! I can’t believe this is happening!’ You know, there used to be days where I’d come home after work and just feel so sad, and the only relief from my dark spinning mind was Netflix aka movies! And there was nothing I could do – I’d already tried a year off from work, moving countries to a warmer climate, investing in alternative health remedies, all the professional help that money could buy – there was nothing I did that helped much until I was diagnosed with endometriosis. But now the more I go after this goal of learning to sing, which is something God directed me to do, the better I feel.

Don’t you love that? That He is persistent and He will chase after you. It’s in His nature.

Yeah, I do love that! And it wasn’t even like I went after it straight away. It took time because I am a deliberative person, I reflect on things a lot (and procrastinate, haha!). So getting the confidence to start singing was a journey and it’s just amazing how everything came together. Like getting into music school. Music school isn’t easy to get into and I got in on merit! I remember back to sending in my audition – I uploaded the recording at your house with your super fast fibre. Also, the birthday cake you made me with the music notes on it that I joked (and hoped) was prophetic – soon after I was accepted into the New Zealand School of Music.

Gemma’s first ever recital at the New Zealand School of Music—Te Kōkī, at Victoria University of Wellington (2021).

Yes! *I cheer* How was I to know? That’s amazing!

I also got an interview at the Royal Welsh College of Music and Drama after sending my audition, which is absolutely ridiculous as I was still a beginner at classical singing! (I wasn’t accepted but to get an interview was so encouraging). So, with those opportunities, I know that there are more things to come, if I keep going, feeding off these amazing things that happen, and with God at work, it’s just all the more reason to keep going to see what adventures await.

I absolutely love that! And it really makes you pause and reflect on how good God has been and where He’s taking you. It’s a really great push. This is cool! By the way, I am so proud of you and for just how far you’ve come. I’ve known you for a while, and when I lived with you as well, I really got an idea of what you were going through. I even helped you through some of those night time Netflix binges. *Shared giggles*

That’s so sweet of you to say that you’re proud of me but it just reminds me that yes, I’ve done some hard things and I’ve had strength, but it hasn’t happened in isolation. Like having those movie nights with you while we were flatting together helped my sanity, it helped me through some dark days. It’s definitely how you and other people have poured out in different ways. It might have been someone just saying hello to me when I was having a bad day at work. I used to be scared to go into a room and say hi, but now I can go into a room and almost sing hello. So, being connected with others is a definite need.

The Endometriosis Battle.

So, you’ve mentioned that you’ve battled some physical health issues and a big one is when you were finally diagnosed with Endometriosis. I think you told me that 1 in 10 women in New Zealand have Endo?

Yeah! I actually think it could be more, it’s just that they still don’t know a lot about it and it’s hard to get diagnosed. It typically takes 10 years for someone to be diagnosed.

How did you learn you might have it?

Well again, it was through connectedness! I had been seeing a Natural Health Practitioner and she suggested that I track how I was feeling and my symptoms over the month. I noticed that, as well as having a 50/50 chance of having debilitating pain on day one of my period, I would become severely depressed five or six days before my period. Eventually I would find out that it is PMDD (Premenstrual dysphoric disorder) which is like PMS (premenstrual syndrome) on steroids. Which is linked to endometriosis.

Oh my, that is strong!

It was important to know because sometimes this day would happen and it would be one of my triggers where I thought, ‘Oh no! I feel depressed again! I’m going into another episode of severe depression!’ And then a downward spiral would happen. So knowing this cycle was happening, was powerful knowledge to have. 

Then another thing that happened was, I was in the hallway at work one day and I asked someone how they were doing. And she opened up and said ‘I’m not doing too good. I’m just about to have this surgery, because I’ve got this pain…’ and while she was describing it, I was like, ‘wait, I’ve got that pain! I’ve got a sore back, sore hips, etc!’ She shared that she had endometriosis, and her experience offered an explanation to some mysterious pains and health struggles I was having for many years. I had asked doctors in the past if I had endometriosis but they believed I didn’t (which is a reflection of the lack of funding for training on endometriosis). I then did a self referral to a specialist and was finally diagnosed with ‘text-book’ endometriosis. But gosh, it was a journey, it took 15 years of symptoms to get there!

And again, it was God’s timing where He placed that person there at the right time for that conversation. And what a relief to finally have answers! You’ve talked to me about how having Endo had a huge effect on your energy levels, especially when it came to getting through a work day. What were your feelings around that?

Different reasons come into play at different times. Having a goal helped – at that time I was working towards going to live in the UK. Having a team around me that was non-judgemental and understanding was so helpful. I felt guilty sometimes where I would think, ‘why can’t I be one of those people that just jump out of bed and have a zest for life, and always feel 100%?’ It is good to have some motivating pressures around you but a lot of it was just putting one foot in front of the other, just keep on moving. Other times I would have been excited about a particular project. There was a time after I had my endometriosis sorted, but I wasn’t yet on the antidepressant that worked for me, so that was a hard time of more waiting, but I just kept going in hopes of better days.

The Journey of Faith.

All this is certainly a lot to go through. So share with us how has God impacted your life as you’ve gone through this whole journey?

I feel like He keeps surprising me and I keep finding that refreshment. I feel like I’m on the journey of learning to go deeper with faith, but unlearning the idea of religion and unhelpful Western ideas at the same time. Like I said earlier, it’s like the world has these unspoken ideas that find their way into our minds. But ultimately, I’ve learned that it’s really about me and God, not what anybody else says I have to do. My journey doesn’t look like anybody else's, my journey is mine. He doesn’t care that I’m not perfect at going to Church or reading my Bible or praying. I’ve had to learn to let go of that guilt and realise the compassion that God has for us.

I love that! He knows where you are on your journey. He’s working it out with you as long as you’re working it out with Him.

That’s the thing. He knows where I’m at and has compassion for what I’m going through. He sees my heart and not the things I do or don’t do. Actually I’ve found that even when I’ve been going through the phase of shying away from religion – even to the point of not following that mould of attending Church regularly and feeling resistant – those are some of the times He has been the most gracious and lavished care and opportunities on me.

After everything that you’ve been through, what hope do you take with you into the future?

*Gemma bursts out laughing* I thought you were going to say “what do you hope to take with you into eternal life?” – I found that funny at this moment even though it’s a legit question.

Ha! We’re not there yet. 

I think I’ll take the knowledge that whatever is to come in the future, I will find a way to deal with it. And I know everything will work out because it has before. Someone once shared some words while praying over me: “I’ll look back, and I’ll see the path that I’ve walked is all lit up. When we’re walking the path, we’re not sure where the path goes, but when we look back, we’ll see this is where we’ve been and it will make sense”.

The Wisdom Wrap Up.

What are you most proud of?

*Gemma slowly grins for 5 seconds before laughing* For me I’m always surprised how hard I’ve worked to learn to sing. I never really had something outside of work that I loved to do and felt very motivated about, because my passion for art/drawing became my profession and it gets tiring sometimes. My career is also a bit tied to worries about being good enough and it is nice to escape from that to something where I feel more free, even though I need to work hard at it. I persisted in going to singing lessons and choir practices, etc after long days at work, even if I didn’t feel like it and it’s been paying off. I’m proud of the little steps I’ve taken and how I’ve been overcoming fears and barriers.

Gemma with Ngāti Rānana London Māori Club at the Waitangi Day Ball in London (2020).

What is your favourite Bible verse? 

“But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31. It’s one that was prophesied over me when I was at one of my darkest times (by Pastor Maggie Lawson, rest her soul) and has given me hope.

Do you find you get strength when you ride on Eagles wings?

Well, if only I had an Eagle. Like one from the movie, The Lord of the Rings!

I thought you’d bring that up.

I like how you asked the question to prompt a movie reference, haha! I feel like I’m getting to the point of ‘walking and not growing weary’. Though I’m not at 100% health all the time, I’m still putting one foot in front of the other and I think that’s ok.

If you could have a do over on something, what would it be?

Oh, so many things! But I don’t think I want to change anything from my life, so if I could have a do over, I would – for fun –  go back in time to when we were flatting together so we could watch the Marvel Cinematic Universe again. Just for fun!

That is a great do over!

In all seriousness though, I do have a lot of regrets. I have all these what ifs. What if I had taken more opportunities while I was younger? What if I never had anxiety? But if I didn’t, I wouldn’t have the opportunities I would have had later in my life. And I know that God reconciles everything in the end, there are silver linings everywhere for me.

Is there a movie character that you relate to or a specific film where you relate to the story?

Mary Magdalene from Mary Magdalene (the Rooney Mara version). I’ll tell you why in a nutshell. In this particular telling, she doesn’t fit the mould of who she is supposed to be in society. And I think she knows it or feels it but doesn’t understand it, and Jesus confirms and validates the way she is. That was my big epiphany when I was watching it because that’s where we are similar – I have not fit a lot of moulds in my life, and have felt this big disconnect from the Western system I find myself in. It was encouraging because as she went against everyone’s expectations, she helped the Easter story happen.

What would you say to girls and young women in the world today who are feeling lost and confused?

*pause for wisdom* You know what just popped into my head? I’m so afraid that I’m going to say the wrong thing. But this just popped into my head so I’m trusting it’s going to help someone. Somewhere in the Bible it says that God has a name for us. He has a name for us, and obviously we don’t know what it is but we’ll find out when we get to heaven.

*Gemma then tries to remember where in the Bible this is said* Something about a white rock, our name is on a white pebble.

*Gemma and I spend the next minute scrolling Google for help*

Found it! Revelation 2:17. “...And I will give to each one a white stone, and on the stone will be engraved a new name that no one understands except the one who receives it.”

The idea that God has a name for us. His name for us which I think is quite powerful. It speaks to our uniqueness, who we will turn out to be, our identity. And it speaks to the clean slate He gives us. I just think it’s quite profound. So, I guess what I would say is that God knows you and who you are in your heart (and it’s something good and full of potential!). So continue to keep putting one foot in front of the other because you’ve got something to offer the world, and the world has adventure and nice surprises for you.

That’s very sound advice! And I love how God put something in your brain right then to share.

I just feel like sometimes life feels awful. If you’re in something and you’re thinking how can it be this way for so long? You have got to hold on to hope, and what better way, than a secret name from God? I wonder what our new name is?

Well, the mind boggles! It could be anything. Something we’ll find out when we get our place at the table in heaven.

The table will be set up with place settings with little name tags. But instead there will be little white stones. And we’ll be like, “I can’t find my name”. And an angel will be like, “well you’ve been given a new name! Please look at the seating plan, and there is no naughty table, everyone is a VIP.” *giggles*

Well, I am so thankful to you Gemma, for being so open and vulnerable. All for the amazing people around the world who need encouragement from you, and they’re going to get it. 

Is there anything in Gemma’s testimony that you relate to? I encourage you to share it below, in the comments. Thank you to everyone who took the time to read Gemma’s story! I pray you are blessed and inspired that God has a name just for you!